I’m tired of checking my blood sugar and finding it to be 2.9. or 3.2. or 3.4. and not feeling it.

I’m tired of shots. I had 8 the other day.

I’m tired of eating.

I’m tired of being hungry all the damn time.

I’m tired of being asked what’s wrong as I shake my way to a chair, or just slump down on the floor during a reaction.

I’m tired of <b>everything</b> being so bloody hard. Having to think my way around every simple thing I do before I do it. If I’m high – when am I next going to see a bathroom? When I’m low – when am I next going to see some sugar? When I’m normal – how long can I stay this way before I have another low or high?

I’m sick as well, haven’t been feeling quite right since my flu jab on Wednesday. Shaking, hot flushes and cold shivers, feeling like I’m gonna throw up, not feeling like eating, throat’s been killing me.

And I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want any of it. I want diabetes to DIE in a hole somewhere. I want to go back a year. I want diabetes never to have existed. If diabetes didn’t exist my grandad would probably still be here today, and the first six months of this year wouldn’t have been spend watching him have strokes and heart attacks, and his leg wouldn’t have got like it did. All this, before I’d even experienced diabetes firsthand. Maybe even my GREAT grandad would still be here today. Maybe I’ll still be here in 80 years if we find a cure. If we don’t, I doubt I’ll make it 60. I might not even make it 50, or 40. I don’t know.

I want to be a mother, and a wife, and have a job, and make people have better lives. I don’t know if I could trust myself to do any of that at the moment. I want my kids to look up to me, not think of me as the one who gave them a disease that means they can’t live how they want. Hell, I don’t want to think of myself as that person.

I just want a DAY where I don’t have to take insulin, or check my sugar. Please give me ONE DAY.